If He Stayed
by Ultraviolet12
Summary: What if Finch hadn't died? What if Violet had saved him? This story explores that possibility, and the impact on Finch and the ones around him after he tries to take his own life. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers, welcome to my new All The Bright Places FanFic! This is more of an alternate ending, and I'll try to make the chapters longer as we go on. Please review, and I hope you enjoy!**

1

I'm so mad at Finch for leaving me here, forgetting me, just about pretending I don't exist. Then he sends me these cryptic texts, doesn't reply to anything, and it's killing me. I just want to get away from it all, so I decide to go for a drive. I'm angry, and now i finally understand why Finch likes driving and speeding so much. I don't speed as he does, but I go exactly on the speed limit, Elanor taught me that much. I don't understand why he left, even when I'm trying to outrun the mess he's put me in, he's still in my head. I let out a scream in frustration at this boy, who can't hear me, who left me, and who- despite all odds- I love. I feel my cheeks begin to get wet, and I scream at the top of my lungs, letting it all out. I don't know where I'm going, but I drive for what seems like hours, even though it was probably not that long.

I drive past houses, trees, people who don't know how hard my world's changed. Sometimes your world shakes so hard, it seems impossible for other people not to have felt the change. It's a while before I realise I'm driving towards the Blue Hole, where we started our one perfect day. I'm listening to a melancholy song as I drive past the Hole, watching other cars, and then, as I drive away, I see a splash in the water. I dismiss it as a bird or another creature until I see Little Bastard parked, just off the road next to the hole. I slam the breaks and the car comes to a screeching halt. I quickly maneuver the car and stop it haphazardly on the side of the road.

I get out and tear down to the water, where I see Finch's clothes neatly folded on the bank. I tear off my shirt and my pants and almost dive in, when the rational part of me says _call 911, if you can't save him, they can._ I call and tell them where I am, as quickly as possible, then leave the phone with the voice at the other end telling me to stay on dry land, the paramedics will be there soon, but I dive in, and I swim, deeper and deeper, all I can think is _I can't loose you, not you too. Finch, I need you, I love you._ I go back up, gasping for air. How long has it been? 2 minutes? 10? I go down four more times, and then I feel it. At first I think I'm imagining things, but then no- if feel his hair, and I find his arms. My lungs are burning, but all I can think is _FinchFinchFinchFinchFinchFinch._ I put my arms under his armpits and kick upwards. I think I can hear sirens on the surface, but I'm not sure at this point. He's so heavy, and the water pushes me down. My vision goes black around the edges, but I have to get to the surface, I have to. I kick one final time and my head breaks the surface. I keep kicking toward the bank, and I collapse there, my legs still in the water, with Finch beside me. I hear sirens as I drift off.

 **Hope you enjoyed that chapter, please review, it really does help. Thanks for reading!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, lovely readers! I decided to get this chapter out early, but most chapters will be published every Friday (I'll try to anyway :) ). Hope you enjoy, don't forget to review!**

 **Also, thanks to** Fourtris12 (Guest) **For reviewing last chapter!**

2

I wake up being jostled around, I think I'm on a vehicle. I splutter and cough, and my surroundings slowly begin to come into focus, and I hear muffled voices. Then it all comes rushing back- Finch, the blue hole, his clothes, trying to save him. I sit up, and my head swims, and I can hear a voice.

"Jim, she's awake." I hear a woman's voice say.

"Where's Finch!? Where is he?! Is he ok?! Is he alive?!" I ask frantically.

A woman in a paramedic suit tells me to calm down, he's ok, he's alive, its going to be ok. "You can sit up if you promise not to go hysterical." She says, handing me back the mask. "You were under for a while too, you know."

"Ok." I say in a small voice. I curl up tighter in the blanket they've wrapped me in. The rest of the trip is quiet except for the sound of the car moving. I'm already feeling better by the time we get to the hospital, and then my paramedic runs a few basic tests to make sure I'm ok.

"Is there a number I can call for someone to come get you, or bring you some dry clothes?" she asks.

I recite my home phone number, and she dials the number and gives the phone to me when my parents pick up. As soon as I hear her voice down the other end, "Violet! What happened? Are you ok?!", I hand the phone back to the paramedic.

"I don't want to talk to them." I say.

She frowns slightly at me for a second, then proceeds to tell my parents what has happened, and that no, I'm not dead, yes she's sure I'm fine. "Your parents will be here soon." She says soothingly, but I don't feel any better. What will they say, when they find out I went to try and save Finch and almost drowned in the process?

The paramedic proceeds to ask what number she can call for Theodore's family, and I go to find my phone, but realise there's nothing in my pockets- they must have emptied them when they found me.

"I need my phone." I say, and she grabs a basket that has my "personal items" in it, I scroll through my phone and find his house's phone number. "I want to take this one." I say, and the paramedic (who I know see has a name tag- her name is Helen) hesitates a bit before giving me the phone. Kate answers, with a hesitant "Hello?"

"Kate? It's me, Violet" I say into the phone.

"Violet? Are you alright? Have you found Finch?" she replies.

"I found him, we're ok… well, sort of," and I proceed to tell her what's happened, and soon I'm hanging up the phone with promises that they'll be here soon.

 **Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review, it really motivates me to keep writing. Until next chapter!**

 **\- Ultraviolet12**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, lovely readers! Here is the latest chapter of If He Stayed, hope you enjoy!**

3

"So about Finch- can I see him?" I ask as soon as I put the phone down.

"I'm sorry, honey, but he's barely gotten here, you can't see him just yet." She says.

"But Helen- " I say, but I'm cut off.

"I understand you're under still shocked, and you need to know he's ok, but you can't see him now." She says sympathetically.

"No, you don't understand, I have to see him, I need to, I need him!" I cry. I probably look hysterical in my wet clothes and blanket, my hair plastered across my face, but I just can't take it. Finch kept me going all these months- I can't lose him now, I _need_ him.

"Honey there's noth-" Helen begins to say,

"No, I need to see him!" I shout, all the grief that has been bottled up inside me is let out, and soon I'm crying, and not the pretty kind- there's tears and snot everywhere. I begin to sink down to the floor, when I hear Kate's voice calling my name, and soon she is there, hugging me, and stroking my hair, and soon we are joined by Decca and Mrs Finch, a heap of human emotion on a hospital floor, the clinical white lights glaring down on us.

When we've calmed down enough, we get up slowly, and Kate tells Mrs Finch to take Decca to get something to eat. We take a seat in the waiting room, so I tell Kate everything that's happened.

"I've been worried about him for a while, but he's always had his ups and downs- he always came home in the end," mumbles as a single tear rolls down her face, and I'm struck again by how much she looks like Finch, "What have you gotten yourself into Finch?" she whispers quietly.

A nurse comes up to us to let us know we can wait in the corridor of his room. "Room number 34," she says, "He'll be right, don't you girls worry". She's older with streaks of white in her hair, but there's a young spark in her eye that gives me hope.

We take a lift and a few corridors until we get into a room with a few other people. There few chairs and a reception desk at the front. The receptionist looks weary and tired, but her smile is genuine all the same. We go up to the desk and ask her about Theodore.

"Hi, we're here to see Theodore Finch." I say.

"Ah, yes right this way girls," the receptionist says as she leads us off yet another corridor, with a couple of chairs facing a plain wooden door with the number 34 written on it.

She leaves, and it's just me and Kate again. "I hate to leave you here, but I should get my mother and Decca" she says apologetically.

"no, no it's fine, go ahead," I say. "I'll be ok." She leaves, and I', left alone with my thoughts.

A few minutes later, she returns with Mrs Finch, Decca and… my parents.

 **Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy! Please review, it really helps!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, everyone! Welcome back to If He Stayed, hope you enjoy the latest instalment of Violet's journey. I think Finch will start appear more soon, so stay tuned! Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!**

4

"Violet!" my mum cries and runs up to me, enveloping me in a hug, my dad following suit. I hug them back, they begin fussing over me, and soon my dad begins with "that boy". He is angry at Finch- for doing this to me, for worrying us all, and also- though he doesn't say it- for trying to take his life when Elanor had hers taken from her. I see the apprehension in their eyes as they look at me, as if they're waiting for me to break. But I won't break- I can't, not now. My parents begin to tell me how I shouldn't have gotten involved with that boy, how they told me to stay away, how I wouldn't have gotten myself into this if I had listened to them, and it all gets too much.

"Can I have my clothes please," I mumble. My mum hands me the dry clothes they brought from our house, and I stumble away into one of the bathrooms.

I get lock the cubicle door and put my wet clothes into a plastic bag, and put on the clothes my mum brought me. It's a pair of grey trackies and a yellow t shirt, plus a light grey hoodie. I don't want to go back into the corridor with my parents, but I can't stay here any longer or they'll get worried. I splash some water onto my face, "Get it together, Violet." I whisper to myself and I leave the bathroom.

"There you are, Violet!" my mum exclaims as I come into view. Mrs Finch looks broken sitting on one of the chairs, but Kate seems relaxed as always. Decca is sitting on the floor, drawing on the back of a hospital flyer, gnawing at her bottom lip, and my parents are sitting on some of the other chairs, looking anxious and flustered. "We bought some food from the food court for you," My mother says, "Its Chinese."

I go sit down next to them and begin eating, when a doctor comes out of Room 34.

"Mrs Finch?" he asks Finch's mum.

"Yes, that's me- is he ok?!" She says, practically jumping from her seat. I feel sorry for her, her hair is in a messy bun atop her head, and her eyes are red and puffy from crying, then I remember that I probably look just as flustered.

The doctor hesitates a moment before answering, "he's in a comma," the doctor says carefully, "it's a miracle he's alive at all"

Mrs Finch lets out a sound that seems almost inhuman, a guttural moan, the sound of a mother's grief.

"You can come in and see him, if you wish." He says. I get up numbly, and begin walking towards the door, "Family only."

I ignore him and keep going anyway, and I hear Kate's muffled voice behind me "She's been through enough, Doc. Let her through", but I can barely hear them. I feel as though I'm walking through mud, my feet feel heavy as I push open the door to room 34.

"Finch?" I whisper as I look at the pale form lying on the hospital bed before me. I take a step closer to him. He looks deflated. It's almost as if he's already gone. His pale skin looks even paler, his hair seems to have lost it's bounce. The mask strapped to his face looks like an alien object. It's so un-Finch, I almost expect him to jump up and shout "SURPRISE, VIOLET! Scared you, didn't I?", and begin to laugh, then grab my hand and waltz out of this place. But he doesn't. He stays there, my broken boy. I hear a sharp sob and see Kate, Decca and Mrs Finch at the door. I get up from the chair by his bed to let them stay there, and Mrs Finch collapses onto the chair. Kate shoots me a thankful look before going over to her brother. Decca stays at the door, her expression neutral, but her eyes betray her true emotions. She slowly backs out the door, and I follow her out side, where I find her small body shaking with emotion.

I crouch down, carefully putting my arms around her. She resists at first, but then collapses into my arms, her small body shuddering with every sob.

"H-h-he is s-s-so pa-a-ale, and n-n-ot like m-my br-r-other." She cries, and I cry too. I gather her in my arms, and we are two broken girls, waiting for our broken boy to mend.

 **So there you have it, folks! As always, I hope you enjoyed the story and please review! Until next Friday!**

 **\- Ultraviolet12**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again everyone! I hope you're all enjoying this story, here is the 5th chapter. i was thinking of maybe uploading twice a week, let me know what you guys think. Enjoy!**

5

"Violet, we need to go home" My parents say.

"No, mum, I'm staying with Finch. I'm not leaving." I reply

"Violet-"

"I'm staying."

"Fine. Call if you need us." My mum says, and briskly walks out the door, closely followed by my dad.

"We better be getting home too, Violet. You know Decca and my mother won't be able to stay here" Kate says apologetically.

"Don't worry, Kate, I'll be fine, really." I reply. Truth is, I've been wanting to be alone with Finch, and I'm glad I'll finally get that opportunity.

Kate picks up a sleeping Decca, and Mrs Finch slowly stumbles towards the door. The poor woman has been a bit out of it since we first saw Finch.

"Call if you need anything!" Kate calls from the hallway. I nod, then look back at Finch.

He looks so fragile in the hospital bed, so small. I hold his hand, and try to find a spark, some recognition, anything, to let me know he's ok. Since we got here a few hours ago, nothing much has changed, but the doctors did come and tell us what is wrong with him. He was under for a while, and the lack of oxygen in his brain caused him to go into a coma, along with the hypothermia. He then told us that there is no way of knowing when he'll wake up, or even _if_ he will. Kate then told the doctor about the "asleep" and she felt so guilty about not telling anyone earlier, but the doctor said that she has nothing to be worried about, it can be easily treated. He also said that hearing familiar voices can help him come back.

"Hey, Finch," I say softly, "I was really worried you know." I pause and take a deep breath. "Why did you try to leave, Finch. I know you were sad, and lonely, and a bunch of other things, but you didn't have to be. I love you, Finch, and I always will, so don't try to run away from me ever again!" I say, my voice choked with emotion. "I swear to god, Finch, if you go, I don't know what I'll do with myself. I'll be lonely because you are irreplaceable, you bastard. Don't leave. Please." I say quietly, hoping that somewhere, he'll hear me. I stare at him for a bit, then get comfortable (or as comfortable as you can get in a hospital chair) and drift off to sleep

Finch

It hurts.

 **What did you think of the Finch perspective in the end, there? I'll try add some more of him in the future. Anyways, don't forget to review, and a huge thank you to anyone who has followed or favourited.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello again, since last week's chapter was so short, I decided to post twice this week to make up for it. Enjoy! :)**

6

The next few days go in a blur of hospitals and broken people. Finch's friends Brenda and Charlie come to visit, and they both leave pale. The hospital wants to call Finch's dad but Kate stops them. She finally tells the authorities about her abusive father the day after we find Finch. I think they're going to court next week.

My parents make me come home every day, but I spend most of my time with Finch. 2 days after he is admitted, he can breathe on his own, and seems to be more responsive to his surroundings. I'm in the hospital now, and they finally let us have his belongings back. A coloured shirt, jeans, his leather jacket, his black boots, his nerd glasses, his car keys8y and his phone.

"You can have his jacket until he comes back if you want" Kate says.

I like how she says _when he's back_. Most people say if. Also, _when he comes back_ makes it seem like he's just wandering. "I'd love to." I say.

"ok, well I'm gonna go back home, call if you need." She says.

"Ok, see you Kate." I reply.

I shrug the jacket on, and I hear a crinkle on one of the side pockets. I pull out a neatly folded piece of paper, and then my heart skips a beat when I recognise it as our map. He has marked a few more places, and he has written some numbers on them, like a sort of order. I take out my phone and call Kate, "Hi Kate, can I borrow Little Bastard?".

Even though it's the middle of the say, and even though I haven't told anyone where I'm going, I find myself in Milltown, population 815. I ask a woman named Myra how to get to the shoe trees, and she points me to a place called Davis Hollow. At first I think I'm lost, but then I see them. The huge trees are filled with shoes on every branch thousands of them, of every colour and size. I've brought some green Chuck Taylor's and some Yellow Keds of Elanor's. I hang them on the original tree, having to jump a little to reach the branch. That's it. Nothing more to see. A watch the tree for a second before I see them. A pair of sneakers with fluorescent laces. TF is written in black on both of them, and a package of blue American spirits visible from inside one of the shoes. They are on the highest branch. I quickly open messages on my phone and find the one from Finch. _I am on the highest branch_ , he wrote. I think; _but can you come down?_

 **Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to review!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello, again lovely readers! Happy Easter to everyone! Here's chapter 7 of If He Stayed, hope you enjoy. I'm going to post two chapters today because i won't be able to post next week, sorry! Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 7

* * *

 **Violet**

I go back home that day later that usual, my parents practically in hysterics, _Where have you been? Why are you late? Visiting hours ended ages ago!_ All jumble up in my head, a sea of words, but not the ones I want to hear. Not, _He's ok, Violet_. Not _Theodore woke up!_ Not _He's back_.

 **Finch**

I see blue and green and black. I see colours, lights, I hear sounds. Loud and indescribable. I see fragments of memories, echoes of emotions. I hear beeping and talking and laughing and wailing. I feel the pain, oh the _pain_! It screams at me with fury powerful enough to fuel a thousand suns, it claws at me rips up and leaves me, bleeding, in this dark abyss. Then, through it all; Violet.

 **Violet**

"Hey, Finch." I mumble to him, "It's me, Violet. I went to the first wandering you left for me yesterday." I choke up on the end of yesterday, emotions turmoiling inside of me. "I just want you to know," I manage to choke out, "that I miss you. God, Finch I miss you so freaking much. I missed you through those weeks that you left, and I was so, _so_ mad at you. I still am, actually. I can't believe you almost left me forever. _Me_ , Finch- Violet. Ultraviolet Remarkey-able" I laugh a little as I remember his nickname for me. "God, Finch. I loved you- still love you, _so much_. I don't know how I could have made it if you'd gone-" a sob wrenches itself from my lips, "Please, Finch. Just come back. I love you." I collapse in sobs, leaning in his chest, my tears staining his shirt

 **Finch**

"Hey, Finch." I hear through the noises. "It's me, Violet." I'd recognise that voice anywhere. "I went to the first wandering you left for me yesterday." I feel the brokenness in her voice, and I feel this overwhelming urge to comfort her. "I just want you to know," she says, "that I miss you. God, Finch I miss you so freaking much. I missed you through those weeks that you left, and I was so, _so_ mad at you. I still am, actually."

I realise; I'm the one who made her sound this broken, I'm the one who caused her this pain. Those weeks when I left, I could feel the asleep grabbing at me, trying to pull me away. I was in the darkest of dark moods, barely remembering what I was doing. Then I decided it was too much. It was all too much. I managed to convince myself she'd be better of without me, that leaving would be fine- I even left her wanderings to complete our project. But now I hear her brokenness, _god, how could I have been such an asshole?_

"I can't believe you almost left me forever. _Me_ , Finch- Violet. Ultraviolet Remarkey-able" I hear the betrayal in her voice, the hurt. "God, Finch. I loved you- still love you, _so much_. I don't know how I could have made it if you'd gone-" I hear a gut-wrenching sob escape her lips, "Please, Finch. Just come back. I love you."

I hear the sincerity in her broken voice. I feel her head against my chest, her shaking body leaning on mine. I feel her tears wet my shirt- a sense of being I hadn't felt in a while- and struggle against the pain, the noise, the light, the brokenness that holds me captive, to touch her, to caress her, to embrace her- to show her it's ok. I try to move my fingers, my arms, anything at all to show her I'm here, I can hear her. Its so _frustrating_ when I don't even know how to control my own body, to show her I'm here. In that moment, I make a vow. I will do whatever it takes to go back to her. Back to my Violet.

 **Violet**

I think I see a twitch in his fingers, and my heart stops beating for a minute. I hold my breath, willing something, anything at all to happen, just another twitch to show he's there. Nothing happens. I wipe my eyes in the back of my hand, get up and smooth out my shirt- Theodore's shirt, actually, and kiss his forehead. "Goodbye, my broken boy." I whisper on my way out.

 **Finch**

"Goodbye, my broken boy." The end of her sentence is swallowed up by the noises and the pain I didn't realise had receded when she was here until they come back again, at full force. Violet gives me strength, and I will do anything to talk to her again.

 _Until next time, Ultraviolet._

 **Hope you enjoyed, Don't forget to review, and thanks to anyone who has favourited, followed or reviewed this story, it really does motivate me!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	8. Chapter 8

**As promised, here is Chapter 8. It's the longest one yet; twice as long as the other chapters! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter as always, and Happy Easter!**

Violet

I have to go back to school today. It's only been a week and a half but it feels like forever since I walked those crowded halls. I wonder if I'll have to finish the wandering project… it's Extenuating Circumstances all over again. At school I can feel their eyes on my back, the whole student body seems to have known what happened. It's a Wednesday, smack-bang in the middle of the week. Ryan comes up to me but I tell him we can only be friends before he can get a full word out of his mouth. I try to be invisible, but that's hard. Now I have many labels; The Sister Who Didn't Die, Survivor Of The Crash, The Girl Who Saved The Suicidal Boy, Theodore Finch's Girlfriend, The Girl Who Saved The Suicidal Boy Twice, etc. It's all getting to me, but then I see Brenda, who is now one of my closest friends.

"How you're holdin' up, Vi?" she says as I sit down on her table along with Lara and the three Brianas.

"I'm okay, I guess." I reply, taking a deep breath, "truth is, I'm not that great, but it could be worse."

"You could be lying in a coma in a hospital after trying to kill yourself so yeah, I think we're all doing pretty goddamn great." She says, her lips pressed in hard line. I wince a little as she mentions his attempted suicide. "Hey, Vi? He'll be ok, K?" she says, softening a little, and it's for the small moments like this, I decide, I am grateful.

Finch

She's been coming back, every day, and each day it seems the noises and the pain recede just a little, just by her being here. She is truly, all the colours in one, at full brightness. The noises and colours in my void (what I've decided to call this f-ed up state I'm in) are dark and menacing, all sharp edges and shadowy corners. And then there's Violet. I swear, every time she comes I can picture her in her own kind of void, one where all the colours are bright. Not in the way that hospital lights are, glaring and sharp; exposing; but in the way the sunlight filters through the trees on a warm spring day, not quite evening but too late for it to still be afternoon, when if you look at just the right moment, the sunlight catches your eyelashes, creating a dancing symphony of light. Violet's light is as clear as glass but as comforting as an embrace, her colours warm and dancing.

I've spent the past few hours (or at least I think they are- it's hard to have a sense of time in this place) trying to come back. I mean, trying harder than ever. Not seeing violet is killing me, knowing that she's out there, on the mend but still sad. I want to pull her into a tight embrace, smooth her hair, wipe away her tears and kiss her like there's no tomorrow. I will do anything to get back to her, now more than ever.

Violet

I make it through the day without a major breakdown, but it's as if I can feel his presence missing in these halls. I know he's been expelled, but he left his legacy lingering in the musty classrooms of Bartlet, especially so in US Geography, which I have last period. I spend the lesson doodling in my exercise book, only half-listening to Mr. Black drone on about the amazing places we can wander in Indiana.

"Miss… Markey? Can I please… speak to you?" he wheezes out of his wrinkled mouth, his eyes weary.

"Yes, Mr Black?" I say as I stand in front of his desk after class has ended. I'm impatient because I'm planning on visiting Theodore after school today.

"How is your… project coming along?" he asks.

"Um, well Finch and I, we're almost done. Could we maybe get a short extension?" I ask timidly.

"Mr… Finch has been… expelled, Violet." He says.

"Yes, I know, but we were doing so well on it, I don't want to have to put just my name on it; it was his work too, so please, Mr Black, can _we_ get an extension at least to the end of this week?" I say confidently.

Mr Black looks slightly startled, I don't think he was expecting such an enthusiastic response to a project; I was never too keen on US Geography, especially after Elanor's death. "Well, ok then… Miss Markey, you have… until next Monday to hand in… your wanderings."

"Thanks Mr Black, we won't disappoint you." I think I see a hint of a smile on Mr Black's weathered face as I run out and almost run into Amanda.

"Whoa… Hey, Amanda." I say, then hurry down the corridor so I can get to the hospital to see Finch.

"Violet, wait!" I hear her say behind me.

"Sorry, Amanda, I can't talk right now. I say, not turning away. I hear her heels clicking on the tiles behind me.

"Violet! I just want to invite you to the party at my house on Friday!" she says, catching up to me. How can she move so fast in those heels?

"Um, I'll think about it." I mumble.

"You could come over to my house before and I could help you get ready," she continues, persistent as ever. "It'll be just like old times!"

"Uhh.. I'll let you know." I say, powering ahad. I think she finally gets the picture, the uniform clicking of her hells stopping behind me. My black converse make no sound as I walk out the door, to wait for the bus. I've gotten there just in time, the same bus I've been taking to go to the hospital the past few weeks. The driver, Jim asks about Finch.

"How's your boy, Miss?" He asks

"Nothing's changed just yet" I sigh.

"He'll be right, miss. Don't you worry." He says reassuringly.

"Thanks, Jim." I say, settling into a seat.

The hospital is startlingly sterile, as always. I take the lifts and walk down numerous corridors until I get to Finch's room. The door is ajar- it's generally closed. I cautiously walk in, and see Dr Lanham standing in the room, taking some notes on his clipboard.

"…Dr Langham?" I say.

"Ah, Miss Markey, I have some excellent news. It seems he is getting a lot better. He is responding to sound sometimes, and seems to recognise voices." He says reassuringly, "I'll leave you to it, Miss Markey." He says as he leaves the room.

I'm at a lost for words- my broken boy is mending. "Oh, Theodore." I sigh as I melt into the chair be the bed. I look at his boyish face, his sharp cheekbones and angular jaw, his upturned nose that has been broken one time too many and his floppy dark hair falling onto his face. I brush some strands away and kiss his forehead, then settle back into the chair. I'll be here a while, I told mum I'm staying here a while after school.

Finch

I'm much more aware of my surroundings, I can feel my limbs as individual parts of me, I can hear the beeping of machines in the background and I think that I have escaped the void, or at least reduced it's grasp on me. I don't think I can move properly yet, but I sure as hell gonna try.

Violet

"So I went back to school today," I begin, "and Mr Black says we still have to finish the wandering assignment- and yes, I mean we. I told him we started this project together, we are going to end it together. So I was going to just sit here and write a few things in our journal, but I think I'll talk to you to get you out of this existential limbo you're in. So, I brought a book. Not just any book; our book." I take out Oh, The Places You'll Go! By Dr Seuss from my bag and begin to read aloud, the same way we did that night we went into the bookstore. I start timidly, but by the end I am singing the words at the top of my lungs, standing on the chair like a missionary preaching his religion, my arms out, head tipped back. I come to the final stanza and pronounce each word with as mush enthusiasm as I can muster "Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So… _get on your way_!" I jump of the chair, breathless and hysterical, laughing like a maniac on the white tiles of the hospital floor. I push myself up, and look at Finch, and remember him singing this book, confident and happy.

Finch

I hear her sing, and I remember that day, the memory reminding me of the carefree happiness we had that day. I want to _sing_ with her, to _show_ her that yes, I _can_ hear her, I'm still here. I try to form the words but my lips won't move and my tongue won't budge. I hear her laughing and that gives me a newfound energy. I feel her sit next to me on the bed, I feel her hand lightly brush my cheek. I give one last attempt, and finally, one word comes out, the only one I need to, "…Violet."

Violet

"… Violet." His lips move, his husky voice grunting my name. My heart stops and time slows down. I look for any more movement, but that's it, and at this point in time, that's all I need. I put my arms around him, crying softly onto his chest.

"Theodore" I sigh happily, hiccupping slightly, "My Theodore."

 **Ta-da! Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to review, and until next time!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello Lovely readers, guess what day it is... Friday- Update day! Welcome to chapter 9 of if He Stayed! This chapter is long, again, so I hope you all enjoy.**

 **Thanks to** _ **Yikes, I'm Ashamed**_ **for reviewing!**

9

My alarm goes of, loud and obnoxious as ever. O groan into my pillow as I attempt to drag my sleepy self of my bed. Something's nagging me; something's happening today, but I just can't remember what. I change quickly and then brush my hair into a high ponytail. Then I remember; The Finches are going to court against Mr Finch today. Only Kate and Mrs Finch are going, they decided Decca was too young for this sort of situation.

"How could you have forgotten, Violet?" I grumble to myself as I go downstairs for breakfast.

"Hey Mum." I say as I grab some cereal.

"Morning, sweets." She replies, typing something on her computer.

I finish eating quickly and soon I'm out the door.

For some reason today's harder to deal with school than yesterday. It could be because of the hearing, or maybe it's because it doesn't seem surreal anymore. My brain has finally caught up with reality. I manage it through Maths and English, leaving both my teachers surprised when I say I want to finish the assessments we have left. I stumble through World History and lunch, but I can't take it anymore when a random freshman asks, "What's it like knowing Theodore might not wake up?"

I reel back, it feels like I have been physically hit. I turn around, my eyes filling with tears and run out the cafeteria. I hear the freshman ask "dude, what's her problem?" and I hear Brenda retort some obscenity back at him.

I stumble out the door and run to the stream where Theodore and I saw the hooded crane. I remember Theodore telling me; _Sometimes when I can't stand it over there-_ he nods to the high school- _I come down here._ I lie on the grass, looking through the clouds to the deep blue sky, and sigh. My Theodore. My Boy.

I stay there, lying on the banks of the stream for the remainder of lunch and fourth period, then I pull up the map on my phone and decide to go wandering. Wandering number 10 is The World's Largest Ball Of Paint. It sits on the property of Mike Carmichael. It's a designated tourist attraction and has it's own website, and is listed on the Guinness Book Of World Records. I walk to the Finch house and knock on the door.

"Come in!" I hear Kate shout. "Violet! Well this is a surprise, what can I do for you?"

"Can I borrow Little Bastard for a bit?" I ask tentatively.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" she asks knowingly.

"Yeah"

"Huh. You're not as uptight as you seem, Markey. Here are the keys, don't crash it and we're good." She hands me the keys and I say a quick thanks and goodbye as I head out the door.

It takes a short while to get to Alexandria. Mike and his wife are expecting me because I called on the way here. I pull up to a seemingly deserted barn house-like structure. I knock on the door, then try the handle but no one answers. I walk over to the house and knock on the door. I can hear my heart thumping wildly in my chest because how much of Finch is here? How much of him is left on this giant ball of paint? If someone has painted over his message or words he wrote; is it as though he was never here at all? I'm lost in though as an old man with weathered hands comes out, shaking my hand and telling me to call him Mike.

"where're you from, young lady?" he asks politely.

"Bartlett."

"Nice town, that is."

I can hear my heart beating so loudly I almost think he can hear it too. He explains how he started the ball, how he was working at a paint shop after school some forty odd years ago, how he was wondered what 1000 coats of paint would look like, and how he donated the original to the Knightstown Children's Home Museum, but started another one in 1977.

He unlocks the door to the barn and there, in the middle of a paint-stained room is the giant paint ball, in a ridiculously bright yellow. On one of the walls there are photographs of the ball in different stages.

Mike tells me how he tries to paint it every day, and when he is finished I ask him, "A friend of mine was here recently, and I wanted to see if you remembered him, and if maybe he might've written something on the ball." I describe Finch, and Mike rubs his chin and starts nodding.

"Yep, I remember him. Nice young man, he was. Used this paint over here."

I get chills as he shows me the paint. It's colour name reads _Violet_. My heart sinks as i look at the ball, though I had guessed what had happened. The ball isn't purple anymore. Someone painted over his message. Mike seems to notice the disappointment on my face, because he explains how he gets every person who writes a message to paint over it, preparing it for the next person, "a clean slate." He says.

"can I add a layer as well?" I ask, somewhat timidly.

"Sure, what colour would you like?" He replies

"Blue like the sky."

Mike comes back with a shade of blue the exact shade of Theodore's eyes, which he can't possibly remember. I mindlessly roll the blue over the yellow, leaving my mark on this 4,000 pound (1814 kg) paint ball I don't write anything, though I feel more content than when I left school. It's dark by the time I get back to Indiana, I drop of Little Bastard back at the Finch household. Only Decca is home because Mrs Finch and Kate left to go to the hearing soon after I left with Little Bastard (Kate said they were going to go by bus; it was just easier for them). I knock on the door and Decca opens the door.

"Hey, Decca"

"Hi Violet. Kate told me you borrowed the car." She says solemnly, much too serious for her age. "The doctor said my brother is getting better. They said he would wake up soon." I watch as she relays this information seriously, and then adds on quietly, "I miss him." As a single tear runs down her cheek.

I crouch down and hug her. She stiffens at first, I know the Finches aren't keen to show physical affection to each other, but she soon wraps her small arms around my neck. I can feel warm tears wetting my coat as I rub her back. When she calms down, she says, "Thanks, Violet.", and looks up to me with those large blue eyes of hers, much like Theodore's, and i almost begin crying all over again. I decide Decca's too young to stay home all by herself so I go and call my mother.

"Hi, Mum."

"Violet! Why were you not at school for the last four periods?" she practically shouts it.

"My head hurt, and everyone was being fake and it was all too much."

She seems to have cooled off a bit, and sighs before replying. "Ok, Violet. I suppose I can understand, but this is the last time something lie this happens, ok?"

"Ok, Mum." I reply. "Actually there's something I want to ask you…"

"Yes, sweets?"

"You know how Mrs Finch and Kate are at the hearing?"

"…Yes"

"Well, Decca's all by herself at home, and she really misses her brother. She's only 8, Mum, so please understand. Could we spend the night at the hospital?" She begins to say something, but I cut her off. "Please, Mum. For Decca.". I hear my mother sigh and say something about how "that woman" can't take care of her own children.

"Fine," she huffs, "but only if you both come over here and have a decent dinner before you go."

"Ok, we'll be there soon." I reply, then hang up with a quick goodbye.

"Right, Decca. We are going to see your brother." I say to the solemn eight year old.

 **Hope you enjoyed as always, and please leave a review.**

 **Also, you may have noticed I spell Mother as Mum and not Mom, and that's because here in Australia, that's how you spell Mum, and being an Aussie, that's how I prefer to spell it.**

 **See you all next time,**

 **Ultraviolet12**


	10. Chapter 10

**Welcome to chapter 10, hope you all enjoy!**

10

Violet

Decca grabs some stuff and chucks it into a bag and we ride Little Bastard to my house. To my surprise, Decca talks animatedly throughout the whole ride.

"So then he tried to throw the ball at me in dodgeball in PE, but I caught it and he was out, so now he doesn't bother me anymore." She finishes as we pull up to my driveway.

I laugh at the triumphant look on her face as we make our way inside, my Mum greeting us at the door. Dad had to stay at work late and won't be back until later tonight.

Dinner is an awkward ordeal, my mum asking questions for Decca and the strange little girl giving even stranger answers.

"What are your friends' names at school, Decca?"

"I don't really call any of them friends. They're all the same."

My mum gives up after a while and we eat in heavy silence until Decca pipes up. "My mum always asks us what we learned that day at dinner."

My mum seems delighted at this normalcy so asks Decca, "What have you learned today, Decca?"

The eight year old ponders the question for a bit and then answers, "I learned that Violet is more fun that she seems and that some parents put in a lot of effort and that I think your cooking is better than takeout." She announces proudly.

"Very good, Decca!" my mother exclaims. "What about you, Violet?"

"I learned that my mum can be fun and understands more than I could imagine."

"Thanks, Violet." She whispers.

"What about you, Mrs Finch? What did you learn today?" Decca asks tentatively

"I learned that you sometimes just have to properly meet people before you can make any judge ment." Decca nods solemly and my mum adds, "And please, call me Sheryl."

I go upstairs and pack some overnight stuff and my school uniform so I can go straight to school tomorrow. I'll drop Decca off at her Primary School first, so we are all g. When Kate called to tell us how the hearing was going, I told her about the plan and she was fine so all that's left is to go see him.

We get to the hospital at 7pm, just as visiting hours end, but I know the receptionist, Clara, and she has let me stay overnight a couple of times before so we get in without much hassle. We quietly walk in the door and Decca climbs up onto the bed and lies next to her brother. She is small so she fits easily. I stand in the doorway as she talks to him.

"Hi Theo," she begins shyly. "Violet brought me to visit while Mum and Kate were off at court fighting against dad." She sighs slightly. "I miss you, Theo. Please come back soon." She plants a kiss on his cheek, then slides down to the floor and takes out a pile of books and some scissors, then begins to carefully cut some pieces out of them. Mesmerised by the young girl, I walk over to Finch and sit on the chair. I brush some of his hair out of his face and stare into that still face of his.

"Oh, Theodore." I sigh, then join Decca on the floor

"What are you doing?" I ask

She hands me a book and another pair of scissors, and without looking up, tells me the rules. "Take out all the bad parts. They shouldn't be in there mixed with the good. They like to trick you." So we sit there for the next couple hours, methodically going through book after book until we run out. We gather the cut up books back into the bag, then we go to the bathroom and get changed into our PJs and brush our teeth. I organise for someone to bring a small portable guest bed for Decca and tuck her in. Then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a piece of paper with what looks like words cut out from some of the books glued to it. The words say 'make it lovely'. She even covered it in clear tape so that it couldn't get wet. She holds it to her chest and curls up into a ball.

"He gave them to me, these words. Make it lovely. Make it lovely. Make it lovely." She repeats it like a mantra, "Goodnight, Violet." She yawns quietly.

"Goodnight Decca." I reply softly. I look over at Theodore, and I can see tears slowly dripping down his face. I think he remembers those three words. I wipe the tears of his face kiss his cheek. "She'll be ok." I say softly.

I settle into the chair in between Theodore and Decca's beds, holding her hand until she falls asleep, then holding Finch's hand until I fall asleep.

Finch

I hear Violet and Decca come in, and I'm surprised as to how sad Decca sounds. I didn't think she'd miss me that much. I miss her too. When she reads those three words; _Make it lovely_ , I'm moved to tears. I actually cry, I can feel the tears leaking out of my eyes, then I can feel Violet wipe them away. Her reassurance makes me happier, but I'm still worried for Decca. I hear her breaths evening out and I relax, for the first time in a long time, I feel like it's going to be okay again.

 **Hope you enjoyed, don't forget to review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, everybody! I'm so sorry I frogot to update on Friday! Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

11

Violet

My alarm goes off at six thirty the next day, waking me up but leaving Decca seemingly oblivious to the irritating _beep beep beep_ of my alarm.

"De-cca" I say softly, "time to get up."

"idonwanwakuph" she mumbles into the pillow.

"come on, Dec, you'll be late for school!"

"Finnne"

We go and change into our school clothes in the bathroom, then go back to Theodore's room to brush our hair.

"Violet?" Decca asks timidly while I finish tying up the end of my braid.

"Mmmm?"

"Can you maybe braid my hair?" She looks at me shyly, I don't think she's ever really asked anyone to do this before. I'm a bit shocked, I didn't think Decca was really the hair-braiding type.

"Sure, Dec. C'mere."

I braid her dark brown hair into a single French braid down her back and tie it off with a black hair ribbon. "All done." I smile as she looks in the small hand mirror I have with me.

"Thanks, Violet." She says and then wraps her arms around my neck in a hug.

We get our stuff to leave, and then go day bye to Finch.

"Bye, Theo." Decca says, giving him a quick hug.

"Bye, Finch." I say, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It feels warmer than usual, so I press my hand to his forehead but it seems fine. I purse my lips, _It's probably nothing_ , I tell myself, _He's fine_.

School goes by achingly slowly, and finally, the last period bell chimes and I'm free. I hurry out the door and I'm surprised to hear Amanda calling my name.

"Violet!" she says, running up to me.

"Yes, Amanda?" I ask, barely containing my annoyance.

"The party at mine tonight? Are you coming?"

Argh. I completely forgot about that. I almost say yes, but then I remember her laughing when I had my breakdown yesterday. "Sorry, Amanda, but I can't come. And I don't think things can go back to the way they were before. We're different people now." I remember a quote from Alice In Wonderland; _I cant go back to yesterday because I was a different person then_.

"Oh."

"Bye, Amanda." I say, then swivel on my heel and walk away, leaving Amanda standing there, alone.

Finch

It's back. I'm back. In the void. It pulls me, pushes me, tears me apart. I'm further from Violet and Decca and Kate and my Mum and everyone else in that messed-up world than I've been for ages and it hurts, god, it _hurts_. The pain is blinding, there are needles in my skull, my body is on fire and- I. Can't. Take. It.

Violet

I go to Theo's house after school to see how the court hearing went. I'm proud of myself for standing up to Amanda and holding my ground, I was always the passive one- sit still and look pretty, Violet. Smile Violet. Wave, Violet. But today I finally stood my ground and I'm all the happier because of it.

I walk around the corner to his street, and I can tell something is wrong. Little Bastard isn't in the driveway and Decca is on the front porch, seemingly frozen to the spot, clutching what looks like a piece of paper in her hand. I start running towards her- something must have happened to Theodore. What else could it be?

"Decca! Decca!" I call as I run down the street. I scramble up the front porch to her, "Decca, what's wrong? Decca, talk to me. Decca!" I say, but the small girl is rooted to the ground, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

She whispers something so quietly I almost don't hear, but it's the two words I've been dreading. "It's Theo". She hands me the piece of paper in her and I skim over it.

 _Decca,_

 _Theo's not good. We got a call from the hospital saying that he's got worse. A lot worse. Mum and I will be at the hospital tonight so wait until Violet gets here and then go inside- you know where the spare key is. Call us ASAP and make sure you eat._

 _Love, Kate_

A strangled cry escapes my throat and I sink to the ground. No. Not now- he was getting better- he talked to me! No. No! Not Theodore Finch. He'll be ok, h-

"Violet?" I hear a small voice ask.

"Yeah?" I answer softly, my voice choked with tears.

"He's not going to get better, is he?"

"I don't- I d-don-n't kn-ow, Dec-ca." I say, and I can't hold back the tears anymore, and the fall down freely, a sea of melancholy down my miserable face. I cry for an inscrutable amount of time, with Decca by my side. Once we've calmed down, I take a deep breath and turn to her, "Hey, Dec?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna have to be strong, aren't we?"

"Y-yes."

"And we're gonna help Theo fight." I say, wiping the tears of her face.

"Yeah, we are."

"We're gonna stand up from this porch, we're gonna go into this house and we're gonna call Kate and she's gonna tell us what's going on and we're gonna eat some food and then we're going to go see Theo and we're gonna lend him some of our strength and he's gonna be ok." I say, my confidence rising with every word, "Ok, Dec?"

"Sounds like a plan, Vi." She says, taking my hand. We both stand up- two girls against the world, fighting for our broken boy.

 **Dun-dun-dunnnnn! What's going to happen to Finch? Please comment any suggestions or feedback you have, hope you enjoyed and see you all next week!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here is chapter 12, hope you enjoy!**

12

Violet

"Hi, Jim." I greet breathlessly to the bus driver as Decca and I scramble to get in the bus. We had to run here to not miss it- there wouldn't be another one for a whole other hour.

"Miss, is everything ok?" the balding bus driver asks.

Decca and I sit on the very front seats and I reply, "No."

"Is it that boy of yours?"

"Yes, they said he's gotten worse, and I don't know what to do, an-"

"I'm sure he'll be ok Miss- I'll get you there as fast as I can." He says reassuringly.

I sigh gratefully and settle back onto my seat. I look out the window and see a bus stop approaching- then we drive past it. "Jim, aren't you supposed to stop at that stop?"

"Yes, but then it'd take us longer to get to the hospital, wouldn't it?" he answers, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Yes, I do suppose this way is faster, isn't it?"

We arrive at the hospital fifteen minutes later, and Decca and I hastily go down the stairs onto the asphalt.

"Thanks, Jim!" I call from the road.

"No worries, Miss. You keep me posted on that boy of yours, you hear me?"

"Of course!"

We run into the ward and through the corridor to Theo's Room. Kate and Mrs Finch are sitting on the two chairs in the corridor, and the both stand up as we run down to them. Ms Finch looks almost as flustered as the first time we were here, and Kate looks unnervingly disconcerted- she's almost always cool and calm.

"What happened? Is he ok?" I mumble as soon as they're in ear shot.

"He got an unusually high fever this morning, and then his heart rate was really high and-" Kate takes a shaky breath, "and they don't know if he's going to be ok." She finishes.

I process this information as Kate envelops me in a hug. I'm surprised because generally she doesn't do hugs- she must be really stressed. "Thanks, Violet." She whispers, "For taking care of Decca, she really needed it."

She lets me go with one final squeeze and I turn to Decca, "you ok there, Dec?"

"As I'll ever be." She replies, weight hanging to her every word.

"Violet?" Ms Finch says tentatively, and I'm surprised to hear her voice.

"Yes?" I reply, spinning around.

She places something shiny in my palm and closes my fingers around it. "You should have it- you've been a huge help and I want you to know that you're welcome at our house anytime."

I look down and realise I'm staring at a key- the Finch house key. "I, uh, thanks, Ms Finch." I reply.

"Please, call me Natalie."

We sit there for an hour before a doctor updates us on his condition, he doesn't seem to be getting any better- or worse, for that matter. I call my parents at some point, and they bring my overnight bag- ever since Finch was admitted I have one pre-packed just in case. I go to the bathroom and slip on a blue t-shirt of Finch's and some grey track pants. I put my hair up in a messy bun and go back outside.

"- yes, you can go in, but he's not great and our doctors don't want to leave him unattended so they'll be inside too." I hear a Dr Lamar say as I walk back to the corridor. Decca grabs my hand as we go inside. We all gasp as we enter. Finch is lying on a bare mattress- no blankets to help lower his fever, his hair is soaked through with sweat, and it beads on his forehead. He is even paler than he was before- you can see the blue of his veins prominently against his chalky white skin. His eyes move frantically underneath his eyelids and his fists are clenched at his sides.

"Theo-" Kate gasps and stumbles towards her brother. Ms Finch sinks into a chair by his bedside, and I can see her hands shaking. I stand rooted to the doorway.

"Vi?" Decca says quietly.

"Yeah, Dec?" I breathe.

"We have to be strong, ok? That was the deal." She says, much to solemnly for an eight year old.

I take a deep breath and nod, taking a step forward. "We can be strong." I breathe.

We shuffle to the bed and I notice the doctors standing by his bedside for the first time- along with the rest of the machines beeping in the room. I look down at Finch and brush a strand of hair off his face, "Oh, Theodore."

Finch

No, no, please no. The void is becoming another scene, what seems like the twentieth once since I came back. The void changes into a familiar dining room, and I see my mother and father sitting at the table, along with another person hidden in the shadows of the table.

"Pass the salt, Theodore." My mother says from the table.

"Take a seat, son." My dad says gruffly.

I walk over, confused. I sit down on an empty chair that squeaks as I sit down, the noise piercing the unnatural silence like a knife.

"Pass the salt, Theodore." My mother says again, unnaturally sweet.

I grab the salt from the end of the table and pass it to my mother. She gasps as I she grabs it and something runs down her hand onto the table. It's blue liquid and it's pouring out of her hand by the litre.

"now look at what you've done boy!" my father shouts, rising from his chair, and seeming to grow taller as he does so. He raises his hand and I feel like I'm nine again, too small to know how to defend myself. I shrink as he strikes me across the face, knocking me to the ground. I curl into a ball, feeling defenceless. Water seems to be rising from the ground, unnaturally blue. "Don't just lie there boy, fight me like a man!" My father bellows, the veins in his neck protruding unnaturally.

Suddenly there's a sharp pain in my side and a crimson stain spreads across my shirt, staining the water red. I gasp as a searing pain tears through my side, bringing tears to my eyes. "Get up, boy!" my father screams, "Get up, get up, get up!" kicking me with every phrase. I moan as I roll over, my face into the now bright red water, and suddenly I'm sinking through a crimson water hole. I kick up toward what I think is up as the water pushes me down, my lungs gasping for air, but I don't make any progress, I'm going down, down, down. Suddenly, I feel my feet break through the water, and I fall through the it, landing in a heap on a hard surface. I hear laughing and jeering as I sit up, and recognise the school cafeteria.

"Freak." Someone says, and then begins to chant, "freak, freak, freak, freak" and one by one, the rest of the cafeteria joins in, getting louder and louder until I curl up on the floor once more, hands covering my ears, and scream.

 **Sorry if the medical stuff isn't accurate- I'm not an expert! (this goes for all my chapters!) anyways, hope you enjoyed, as usual, don't forget to review and see you all next week!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi everyone, I'm SO SORRY I didn't update last week- I was really busy :(. I'll try to update on Thursday (Sunday at the latest). Anyways, Hope you enjoy!**

13

Violet

I'm just coming back into the room from the bathroom when I hear an anguished scream from the inside. I rush to open the door and see Finch, screaming at the top of his lungs on the bed, his muscles taut and his fists clenched. The blue veins in his neck bulge, and as suddenly as it started, he stops. Everyone in the room freezes, afraid it will trigger another outburst, except for the doctors who tend to the increased beeping of the machines. He is still unconscious, no doubt still lost in his own head.

I hear a sigh from one of the doctors- Dr Kent- and look over to the middle-aged woman. "He's stable; it seems he's ok, for now."

Another doctor, Dr Morrow looks up from the machine and says, "It seems that he got worse from trying so hard to come back- he pushed himself to his psychological limit and this morning- when I contacted you, Kate, is when we were able to observe that. It seems as though he is going through hallucinations, ones relating to- I hope you don't mind me saying- his traumatic childhood. If he can make it through the next day or so, there's a large chance he'll wake up." He turns back to the machines and writes something on his clipboard before sitting on a chair next to is make shift desk compromising of a small coffee table.

I let out a shaky breath I didn't realise I'd been holding and go sit down on a chair by Theo. I sit there for a while, not talking to anyone- Kate took Decca and Ms Finch home about a half hour ago, she should be back in the next 2-3 hours. Eventually I fall asleep, staring at my broken boy.

Finch

Why did Violet try to bring me back? All that waits for me in that hellhole of a world is this- the constant struggle of the asleep, the pain of being awake and the punishment of feeling. I. Don't. Want. To. Go. Back. I can't do it again- it'll just get worse and I'll end up here again, or better yet- on the flipside, the only thing left a grave stone saying _Theodore Finch_. That'll be the only thing left. Or maybe I'll stay in this senseless nightmare forever- maybe they'll set up a shrine at the school- _Theodore Finch, the boy that was to sad to live, too dumb to die and is now about 15 minutes in that direction_ , with a little arrow pointing in the general direction of the hospital. No one will mourn me because I won't be truly dead.

I gaze at the darkness around me as it begins to change again. _For fuck's sake_ , I think as the school materialises below me. It takes me a second to realise I'm floating next to the bell tower of the school, and I brace myself for whatever horrors are to come. Everything seems the same, Amanda and her little group of people wander around, Amanda flirting with every other guy and Roamer and Ryan avidly talking in the corner. I see everyone milling around, not going anywhere even though the bell has already gone. Then someone points up, and at first I think they're pointing at me, and I get a strange sense of deja-vu. This is almost exactly what happened my first day back. I get a chill as I remember who else was on the bell tower with me. I slowly turn around and see Violet standing on the edge. She looks so beautiful a lump catches itself in my throat.

"Hello, Finch" she says, oddly sweet.

"-Violet?" I whisper, scared. "What are you doing up here?"

Violet

One of the machines begins to beep- his heart rate is rising. Dr Morrow worriedly looks at Finch, to the machine and back to Finch again.

"Check his temperature" He tells Dr Kent curtly, his mouth pressed in a thin line.

Dr Kent quickly grabs a thermometer, and checks his temperature. "He's got a fever." She says before removing the single thin sheet draped over Theodore. He seems so empty and worn down wearing the hospital gown. I feel my own heat beating in my chest as I watch Theodore Finch go from bad to worse.

Finch

She giggles – Violet doesn't "giggle". "I met you here, Finch! I am doing what you do, you left me… now I can go too!" she says brightly, then giggles again. She steadies herself and then looks right into my eyes. "But of course, there's more of you!" she looks behind her and says, "hello, Theodore!"

I see a figure step out behind her. I see myself, out on the railing now too, my floppy hair covering my eyes. I have a bad feeling about this Finch. Violet looks up at me one last time "Goodbye, Finch. Time to go, Theodore." I cry out, but no sound comes out of my mouth as the other Finch pushes Violet off the tower, a vague smile still plastered on her face. I watch, horrified as her dress billows around her, her hair flying on her face in the split second free-fall. And then there's a horrible crunch as she hits the hard concrete ground.

I'm breathing heavily, my face streaked with tears. Violet… she's gone, she just-

"Hi, Theo!" I whip my head up from the ground and my voice catches in my throat as I see Decca on the ledge, where Violet was just a second before. She steps off, laughing all the way down until she collides with the ground with a sickening crack. I look up tentatively and see the sight I dread the most. I see Kate and my Mother, Josh Raymond, Brenda, Charlie, Embryo, and countless others behind them. One by one, they step off, a mass suicide with me as the witness. I stare as all of those I care about step off the ledge, then turn into a remnant of themselves, their blood splattering the school courtyard.

I feel my heart beat faster in my chest and my skin feels like it's on fire.

"Their blood is on your hands, son." A deep voice says. I look up, and there is my father.

Violet

The machines get louder, the beeping more frequent as the doctors run around frantically, doing everything they can to save Finch. I'm not sure if he's going to wake up. I'm not sure of anything any more.

Finch

My father stares at me a moment longer before stepping of too. I watch, dumbstruck as he joins with the bodies in the pile. With one final thump, the pile is complete. There is no one left. Silence reigns supreme for a heart beat, then I hear a faint voice "Their blood is on your hands, their blood is on your hands, their blood is on your hands" it chants mockingly. I watch in horror as the lips of the corpses that just jumped of the ledge join in, louder and louder until it is all I can hear "THEIR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS, THEIR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS, THEIR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS" and when I'm certain it can't get any louder, I fall. I was floating in the sky a split second ago, and now I feel the wind rushing past me, tearing at my clothes. I thought I would feel peaceful when I finally fell- but all I feel is empty. The fall seems to go for too long, and suddenly- CRACK. My head hits the concrete, and I feel blood seep from my cracked skull. I'm frozen. I can't see, I can't breathe, I can't move. A sharp pain sears my chest and in the split second before I'm certain my life is really going to end, I realise I want to live. I want to stay in this fucked up world, if only to see Violet again. But I think I'm too late- the pain gets worse and worse until it's all I can feel. And then I don't fell anything at all.

Violet

I'm in the corner of the room, with Decca wrapped around my waist, her small face pressed against my stomach, her tears wetting my shirt. All I can do is watch in horror as the doctors run around, trying to save him, the machines a loud reminder of what's at stake. The doctors shout command at each other, adding to the rising symphony, until suddenly it all stops. I jerk my head towards the heart monitor and I'm greeted by a flat line. A wail escapes my throat and everything blurs around me. Suddenly everything is on its side and my cheek is pressed to the cold floor tiles. _I must have fallen…_ I think as everything starts to spin. I feel nauseous and close my eyes- I'm tired, oh so tired. I see Kate's concerned face swimming above my own before everything goes black.

 **Dun dun dunnnnnn. Sorry to leave you on that cliffhanger! No spoilers but there will definitely be more chapters coming up. I was also thinking of starting a Divergent AU fic... tell me what you guys think about that idea! As always, don't forget to review, and thanks to anyone who has followed, favourited, reviewed or read my story, it means a lot! See y'all next week!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone! I am SO SO SOOOOO sorry this chapter took so long to upload, I was really busy and I had some writer's block on how to make this chapter happen. I will try to get the next chapter up as soon a humanely possible, but please don't hate me if it's uploaded a bit after my usual update day! Thanks so much for sticking around for the next chapter, hope you all enjoy!**

14

The doctor sits in his office, sipping his coffee that has long gone cold. He thinks about the boy he has been trying so hard to save for the past month, and about the girl that never seems to give up on him, no matter how hopeless the situation may seem. He gives a sigh of resignation and stands from his seat, grabbing his coat and getting ready to go home to his wife and two children. He smiles softly as he thinks about his daughter- she just turned 10, and his son, just 7 years old but fiercely protective of those he loves. He closes his laptop and puts it in his bag. He hears shouting down the corridor and hurried footsteps. His eyebrows knit together as he steps outside and takes a look at the commotion. He sees his co-worker, a nurse that has been also helping the boy sprint down the corridor after some other doctors. They all turn the corner, leaving the doctor confused in their wake. He thinks for a moment, then takes off at a sprint after the horde of medical personnel. He turns the corner and realises with a chill that this is his patient's corridor. He runs faster, finally reaching the door to Theodore Finch's room. He sees the team all working together to save the boy, but they're losing him. He takes off his coat and covers the distance between him and the bed in two strides. He melts into the scene before him, becoming the professional he has trained to be, the doctor countless hours of work has shaped him into. They do everything they can, but the boy doesn't seem to be recovering. They all work harder as his heart rate rises, but nothing they're doing is saving him. And the machines rise in a chaotic symphony, and then-

Nothing.

A flatline.

They all stand frozen. The doctor is in shock. He has never lost a patient. He thinks about his wife, Marie. He thinks about her reminding him to always hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And when the worst does come, to go above and beyond to make it better. He is shaken from his reverie by the cry of the boy's girlfriend as she falls to the ground. This is definitely the worst. But he will do everything and anything to bring this boy back. His facial expression turns into one of steely determination as he shouts orders to the medical personnel around him. This boy is coming back. He will make sure of it.

Violet

I open my eyes slowly, disoriented. I blink a few times and finally see my surroundings. I'm sitting in a chair outside a hospital room- what am I doing in a hospital? I look at the number on the door- 34. 34… I've seen that before- _Finch_. I gasp as everything comes crashing back. I stumble out of my chair and into Finch's room. All the doctors and nurses are there, giving Finch CPR.

"Violet!" Kate calls, a sob distorting the sound. I stumble over to the small group of people clustered in a corner. Kate is clutching a shaking Decca, and Mrs Finch is sitting on the floor, staring into space as if in shock. I stagger over as Kate pulls me into a one handed embrace. "Violet- he's- he's g-gone!" she wails. Silent tears cascade down my face as we huddle in the perfect picture of grief. I feel detached, as if this is not really happening- this isn't really my body or my Finch lying on that bed. I glance over at him, looking as small as ever. I trudge over to a seluded corner, finally having lost all hope. I close my eyes as the machines whir on, the doctors bustling like bees in a hive. Everything fades and it's just me and my grief.

I'm brought back to reality by a murmuring by the bed, and the increased cacophony of the machines. I whip my head around and look at the heart monitor, which is no longer a flat line. I must be hallucinating. This can't be real he- he's gone. He can't be back, he ca- "Violet" a croaky voice whispers. I stride over to the bed and see Theodore's blue eyes open just a fraction, and his chest rising and falling unevenly. A single tear finds it's way down my cheek as he croaks out "lights", closing his eyes again.

One of the nurses quickly runs and adjusts the lights, bringing them down from a harsh glare to a muted glow. I hear footsteps coming up behind me as Kate nervously peers behind my shoulder, scared as to what she might find. "Theodore" she breathes, touching his forehead. His eyes reopen a fraction as he hears his sister's voice. She stands there for a moment before the tears start to fall in earnest, huge, wracking sobs that shake her whole body.

"W-we th-thought you w-were gone, Theo! B-b-but you-u're back n-now, an-nd I love you, Th-theo, mor-re than you'll-ll ev-ver kno-ow" she cries, sitting on the floor by his bed as she does so. She continues to cry as Mrs Finch silently walks around the other side of the bed, regarding her son as if he is going to leave again any second. I notice again how small and hollow she looks, staring at her son who has just come back from the dead. "Mom" Theo chokes out, his eyes leaking a few tears of their own.

"My baby," Mrs Finch finally says, "my baby. My poor, poor baby." She whispers, holding Finch's gazed as she says so. "I'm sorry, so sorry that I'm such a horrible mother, that I don't take care of you as much as I should- I don't know how to, Theodore. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me again." She rambles, staring into her son's eyes. She moves silently to a chair and collapses onto it, crying.

I realise there is still one person who hasn't said anything- Decca. I look around the room for her small frame, as a nurse says, "The little one just went out the door, miss." I stammer my thanks and run out to the corridor, seeing Decca collapsed in a ball by the door, out in the corridor.

"Hey, Dec?" I whisper as I crouch down next to her. "You okay?"

I hear sniffles as she turns towards me and buries her face in my neck, wrapping her arms around me. I sit down into a more comfortable position as she continues to cry, with my back against the wall and my legs out straight. She takes a few big breaths and murmurs, "Is he really back?"

"Yes, Dec. He is."

"He's not going to leave again, is he? I don't know if I can take that."

"No, he's not going to leave. He will stay with us, and to do that we have to give him our strength, just like we said we would earlier today, okay, Dec?" I say soothingly.

"Y-yea." She sniffles, "we're gonna keep him here. Both of us, right Vi?"

"Right, Dec." I wipe away her tears and hug her small frame.

We both stand up and open the door. The doctors are a bit further away from the bed now, giving Kate and Mrs Finch space. Mrs Finch is still in the corner chair, seemingly calmed down a little, and Kate has managed to pull a chair next to Theodore's head, cradling his hand in hers. I hear Decca take a big breath beside me. She strides over to the bed and whispers, "Hey, big brother." Finch opens his eyes again, and croaks, "Hey, Dec." She pauses for a moment before wrapping her arms around his neck and whispering something in his ear. He smiles vaguely and she goes to sit on Kate's lap, adding her hand onto Kate's and Finch's intertwined ones.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and it finally hits me: Theodore Finch is back.

 **Whew. That was big. He's back, ladies and gentlemen, Theodore Finch is back (yay!). I don't think I could have killed him off even if I wanted to (which I definitely DO NOT want. I cry EVERY time I read the ending of the book. Every time.). Please leave a review, I really appreciate it! Thanks again to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed or favorited this story, it means a lot. See you all next time!**

 **-Ultraviolet12**


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